Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Pujols clean, cites fear of God

After booting a St. Louis news crew from his Monday press conference for incorrectly naming him in the Mitchell Report, Cards slugger Albert Pujols fired back at doubters. This shout-out to the man upstairs ought to do the trick, or he just gave Kid Rock an idea for his next shitty single:

"How much better can I get? Only God knows. Do I need to cheat in this game to get better? This is a hobby, man. I fear God too much to do stupid things in this game. Cheating on this game, that's not right."

Baseball is a hobby you say? Unknown to many outside of the Cards organization, Pujols' official function with the team is using his forehead as a projection screen for breaking down opposing pitchers. In a related story, still no word from Chuck Knoblauch on his subpoena. Don't expect much praise for the almighty though. It's possible Knoblauch is still a little salty over the lack of divine intervention he received in the 2000 season when he couldn't keep his throws to 1st base from hitting Keith Olbermann's mom in the face.