Witness a jaded town

Everyone meet Michelle. She's just your average Wrigleyviller throwin' back an Old Style(Amstel Light) before the NLDS at Wrigley. After sporting a league best regular season record the Cubbies reverted to shells of their last 100 years with a game one loss.

Note to Michizzle, your parents didn't pay good money for your education so you could relocate to the most superficial neighborhood in the Midwest and embrace a bunch of losers. And the Cubs too.

F. U. Cubs/Phillies

The last time the Crew was in the playoffs I was wearing diapers. We take even one of these games in Philly and i'm going to need them again I'll be so drunk for the Miller Park Playoff debut on Saturday night.

"Oy! This Manischewitz really burns the eyes, doesn't it? Oh you wonderful Goyam!"

The force is strong with this one...

So Doug Melvin is the Vader to Ned Yost's Captain Atilles?

This is really on milwaukeebrewers.com right now. Really.

WTF? This season has gone from embarrassing to nerd level embarrassing. What's the encore from this team? An atomic wedgie and a swirlie? I feel like we just got our books dumped in the hallway of the MLB regular season, just a few short steps away from the glory of the post-season.

Ah, Expectation Day!

Holy fuck. NFL Kick-Off '08 is finally here bitches! To commemorate this glorious day the NFL has a real treat in store for us. Usher, Keith Urban, and Natasha Blendingsomething are set to give a real shot of life to the crowd of thousands at Columbus Circle. If you can't make it to NY be sure to check out the action on nfl.com/kickoff. That is if you can get past the Forbidden Kingdom DVD commercial and watching Bill Cowher blubbering about his daughter's reaction to his Super Bowl victory. Let the perennial NFL commercialization juggernaut begin.

By the way, the NFL has a list of local establishments you can watch the opener at. If these people can't find anything better to in New York than watch Usher and Keith Urban pretend to be into each other's music, they'll need some guidance.

Ned Yost has his priorities straight

Brewers skipper Ned Yost is miffed that CC Sabathia got jobbed out of a no-hitter on Sunday at Pittsburgh. An error in the scorekeeper's judgement left Sabathia one hit away from a no-no. Sunday "was the day it should have been a no hitter," he said. "It takes away from that aspect. The celebration with your teammates, the excitement of the plane ride home, that's all gone. Whatever they call it they missed their opportunity to do it right."

You know what else is exciting on the plane ride home? Gaining ground on the team that's been leading your division for the entire summer.

That's sohhhh Swisha!

Yesterday John Donovan of cnnsi.com officially became responsible for wetting the panties of every baseball fan in the Windy City. But the drippiest undies of them all might reside in the trousers of White Sox outfielder Nick Swisher. When asked of the possibility of an all-Chicago World Series Nick appears to transform into a 16 year old girl, from 1999. "Oh my god. That would be am-aaa-zing," says the 27 year old. Swish goes on to further remove himself from his age group, "You know what it would be like? You know what it would be like? Like Varsity Blues. That movie? Where the town shuts down? That's exactly what it would be. Every bar, every sports bar, every pub would be absolutely packed. You couldn't move."

If this series comes to fruition, and the Sox win, I expect to see Swisher crack a couple bottles of Old Style and hose himself down, Tweeter style. Like amazing.

Jonesin' For A Fix

Bro, Three for $50. Three For $50. They got garbage down the way.

Well, he did it. Matt Jones was arrested early Thursday on felony drug charges as officers found him using an expired Truckers gift card to cut up presumably his cousin’s cocaine with two others in a parked SUV. Officers drew their guns after Jones rolled down his window and belligerently asked how much it would cost for a Z.J.

Jones became aggravated and wiped out the “Don’t you know who I am?” routine, and officers swiftly replied “yeah you’re that white guy that was suppose to be good so I drafted you on my fantasy team, but you ended up sucking for three years.” Then Jones dropped another pass and got hurt.